It's really hot in our house. A realtor came by to see how much work we have left to do before we can list it for sale. I'm hoping that we can sell quickly and get a bigger house here in Salmo before the kids need to start sharing a room.
Anyone out there have to share a room with a sibling? As an only child I don't know what it's like. Would you say it's a good experience or would you have preferred to have had your own room?
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Two glasses of wine and two kids who have been sleeping now for over an hour. I need to go to bed but just finished downloading a new album to iTunes and am really enjoying it. Thought I'd write a little bit about my grandma.
My grandma has been a central figure in my life for as long as I can remember. I lived with her for the first couple of years of my life, along with my mom, until my mom got her own place when I was around two or three. I still spent every day with Grandma though, since my mom worked full time and I never went to pre school or anything like that. She had four kids of her own, and adopted two and fostered another three. I have 13 cousins and there are over 20 great-grandchildren to her credit. Her ability to be patient and kind and loving was limitless. Still is limitless, but not long for this world.
My Grandma has an inoperable and terminal case of stomach cancer. She is on a liquid diet and they are looking at putting a small tube down her esophagus to enlarge the opening to her stomach so she can eat something nutritious before the tumours get large enough to rupture her stomach and cause her to bleed to death from the inside.
I'm trying to get used to the idea that the next time I see her will likely be the last time I will ever see her alive.
Valen is doing really well! He's a month old today, and is currently sleeping froggie-style on my chest. Daughter is not jealous so far, but is acting naughtier than usual. Or maybe she just seems more irritating to me, because she's in my face while I'm trying to deal with her brother. We're going to the Silver City days in Trail this afternoon, and I'm eager to see how Big Girl behaves in a crown while I'm dealing with Valen. We are flying up to visit my family next week. (More on that this evening, it's a long sad story and I don't want to start my afternoon all sad.)
Wish me luck!
My son, babe #2
was born April 7th at 2:30 PM. It was a very considerate time to come, three days before my birthday and just in time for my dad to confirm the holidays he had booked off so he could be down here to meet him. Ten hours from water breaking to final push, less than half the time it took with Zoë. He's 8 days old and is already almost an entire pound bigger than his birth weight. (6 lbs 13 oz at birth, 7 lbs 11oz yesterday.) He farts a lot. I have mommy brain and am busy with my almost-three year old wanting to hug baby brother to pieces! That's all for now.
Just a quick update, for now.
I'm having some medical troubles related to my pregnancy, and I'm trying really hard not to stress out about them too much. First it was the cervical lesions, then the placental lakes, now we're concerned about Intra Uterine Growth Restriction. I'm waiting to make a Dr.'s appointment so I can get another ultrasound to measure babys growth rate. Until then all I can do is stress and try and keep calm.
I also have a swollen hip joint, making simple activities like walking and cooking and cleaning really painful. Let's not talk about sleep, I haven't had more than three consecutive hours in quite a few days. I'm considering it training for when the baby comes.
Other than my physical self, my life is so, so wonderful. My husband is really stepping up to help, loading and unloading the dishwasher, cooking the meals and putting the kiddo to bed in the evenings. I Skype with my mom regularly and she's planning to fly down here and help me out when the baby is due. I've created a cleaning docket and some checklists of chores to do to help me stay on top of the housework. I'm nesting, hardcore!
Now my quick update is over. I have to go ice a cake.
I'm still here, and I still read my friends page every single day (except when I don't).
I'm just sitting here in the dark, looking in through my monitor at all of your lives, amazed that there are so many fantastic people out there, that all these words I read are made by real people not so different from myself. They just use more words than I.
I haven't had a lot of words lately. I think my reserves are going elsewhere these days, as I gear up for the last 7 weeks of my 2nd pregnancy. I feel really undone, in so many ways right now. There is so much to do, so many little projects I'd like to see completed, so many lists to check off, and so little time left before Baby comes and then POW! chaos for a few months-a year, depending on Baby himself. I'm having trouble getting my priorities straight.
I need to get my kitchen (and the whole house, actually) clean. Not just wash the dishes and sweep the floors, but scrub behind the coffee maker and taps, and behind the fridge and stove. I need to take out the recycling. I need to sand drywall. I need to refinish floors. I need to get my damn studio put together. I need help.
I need rest. My back aches and I had to ask for help hauling my two weeks' worth of laundry down the stairs so I could wash it all. I have no motivation to do the basic house stuff. I want to do all the huge things around the house that I am physically incapable of doing in my condition. I can't sand fucking floors now, how ridiculous is that???
All the little organizing jobs I became obsessed with when I was pregnant the first time just don't interest me at all now. And I haven't printed a photo of ZoZo since she was 11 months old or something retarded. I have tons of pictures saved to hard drives and discs and memory sticks, but printing them all out and putting them in albums makes me want to cry.
I haven't taken a single picture of my belly this time at all.
I want to see this journal take a new direction, perhaps a more image based and less verbal centre. I want to participate, I want to be involved, I want to interact, but I have a voyeuristic rut to climb out of that is years deep.
I'm 6 months done this pregnancy and I can't really complain, it's been relatively easy so far. But I will anyways. Damn I am getting uncomfortable. My belly is sticking out super far and everyone finds it necessary to tell me how huge I am. GO FUCK YOURSELVES. Seriously. Is there a woman anywhere in the world who wants to hear how big their tummy is??? WHY do people do this? Bite me world. Also I think the baby has hiccups right now and the twitching is irritating. I guess I'm glad he's moving more, since I couldn't feel him move until around 20 weeks and it freaked me out. Now I'm 28 weeks along and I'm already tired of the constant reminder that there's a parasite in my abdomen. I love kids but wish I didn't have to be pregnant.
My two year old is also being a pain in the ass, refusing to nap and being noisy and making messes everywhere while I'm trying desperately to organize her room enough to fit a crib and baby things into it. It's a tiny bedroom (2 bedroom house is all we have) and it's going to take some major rearranging to make it work.
FUCK, just had to take the shoes my kid was chewing on away from her.
She's already watched one full length movie today, and I'm seriously considering another, as she needs to sit still and be quiet today or mommy will have a coronary.
Sorry again that I've been gone for months then just show up and whine. Next post will have adorable photos and happy thoughts. And will happen in the next week or so. See you then.
Is anyone else seeing "bandwidth exceeded" signs everywhere on their friends page recently? It's driving me crazy.
I just searched about 20 random journals and not a single one of them was in english. Not really sure how to feel about that.
So my beloved Kitty, Shiva, died last week.
He was nine years old, and had pretty severe asthma, which I believe shortened his life considerably. He died peacefully, in his sleep, at the foot of my bed. I woke up in the morning to the smell of death and a stiff cold kitty at my feet. So SAD! We buried him in the backyard in front of the raspberry canes. Thank DOG the ground wasn't too frozen to dig in yet! I don't know what we'd have done with his carcass if we couldn't have buried it. Now I really want kitten (I've wanted one for ages, to keep Shiva company, but we weren't sure we wanted to clean up after two kitties at once!) but I can't have one because I can't clean kitty litter. Toxoplasmosis is a bitch, fo' reals!
Also, I had my 20 week ultrasound done two weeks ago (I'm now 21 weeks pregnant, over halfway, hooray! The last 10 weeks are the hardest, and make me eternally grateful that this has been so, so easy so far.)
The ultrasound tech was a dream come true and helped me figure out that we are having a BOYBOYBOYBOY!!! I'm so excited. I know it's not 100% certain that it will be a boy, since ultrasound isn't foolproof, but still, AWESOME.
Here he is with his hand in his mouth.
I still think we're going to call him Valen. (Pronounced VAY-len) and he will be my little VALENtine. <3 If all goes well he will be born right around my 29(!!)th birthday, on April 10th.
I find I worry WAY more over this pregnancy than I did with Zoë. At my last prenatal visit the doctor informed me that I had "abnormal cells" developing around my cervix. So last week I had to go to another doctor for a "colposcopy", which is essentially the pap smear from Hell. The doctor told me then and there that I had "some sort of lesion" and that it would require attention, but not until after the baby was born. So now I have to live with the knowledge that I have weird cervical cellular growths on my inner ladybits for the next SIX months.
I am trying really hard not to stress over this.
Also, being a poor-ass stay-at-home mom means I have absolutely ZERO dollars to spend on Christmas gifts this year. I've been thinking I will do some home canning and make carrot and garlic pickles for my local friends and stuff. I'm burning a CD for my Dad, and I have NO IDEA what to do for my mom. Husband simply MUST have Call Of Duty: Black Ops, so HELLO, MasterCard!
Guess that's about it for now. It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down.
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Hello, LJ! I know, I know, you barely remember who I am, I post updates on my life so rarely.
So, I spent the last month feeling queer in the mornings, exhausted in the afternoons and frantic in the evenings, building my latest OCD-fueled Hallowe'en masterpiece. ( cut for brief life update and quite a few photosCollapse )
I don't live in America, but it really bugs me that gay marriage is marginalized anywhere.
And FUCK these Alexander Keiths ads that pop up over half my screen that I click on accidentally ALL THE TIME trying to sign in or post or look at friends pages. Bull. Shit.
‘Cause you know what happens when you quit saying that crap about other women? You magically stop saying it about yourself so much, too.
I have a confession to make.
I'm a snarker. I judge other people almost constantly, based on what they are wearing, their weight, health, skin tone and teeth. I learned this at my mothers' knee, as my mother is certainly one of the most judgmental people I know. We used to sit together in coffee shops and pick out the people who were the worst dressed, whose clothes didn't fit, who had socks in their sandals, whatever. There I learned the important axioms of my mothers fashion bible:
Never mix pink and red, or other pastel versions of their true colours. (I think this is also true for any analogous colour schemes, in her book)
Never wear socks and sandals, ESPECIALLY Birkenstocks.
Don't wear tight fitting clothes if your stomach/ass/whatever isn't flat.
Don't be seen in public in sweatpants.
Shave your armpits and legs once a week, minimum.
The list could go on and on.
Now recently (VERY recently) I've come across a new blog, definatalie.com which is a size/fat/body acceptance blog, with discussions on why anyone should be allowed to wear skinny jeans, tube tops or tights as pants without getting flack for it in society.
It's got me thinking.
Who am I to judge whether or not someone should or shouldn't wear any particular item of clothing? Why should I push my own insecurities onto others? My preconceptions are my own, and if I'm unhappy with how someone else looks, I should look at what I feel about myself.
So I'm going to pay more attention to what I think and say regarding other people from now on. I'm going to try and quit the snark. Others don't care what I think, and I need to be comfortable with myself.
Maybe I'll get myself a pair of maternity skinny jeans, and wear them until I feel COMFORTABLE wearing them. That sounds fun.
August was a shitty month and I'm glad it's over.
Things are going to get better. Husband will have more time to help me get my studio finished soon. We will get all the projects floating around the house finished properly and I will get my dishwasher installed.
I will get my torch exchanged for one that accepts acetylene instead of propane, I will get ventilation running, I will be producing jewellery by the time the snow flies, DAMMIT!
Zoë will stop pooping her pants and go in the potty!
My hormones will settle down and everything will stop feeling like it's the end of the world. I will stop feeling so tired all the time.
Parent/baby drop-in groups will start up again next week, so I will have other people to talk to, thank GOD!
Zoë and I got back from a quick jaunt to Fernie last night. It was our first roadtrip together, and it was challenging but awesome.
ZoZo has an 80% grasp of potty training, we are just struggling with the poop issue. She doesn't like to sit on a big toilet and poop. So she crapped her pull-ups every time. Good thing she quit pooping 8 times a day like she was last year! Other than that, there were no accidents. This made wandering around downtown and shopping a lot easier.
We went to Fernie to visit husband, who has been out of town all month, save for a six-day reprieve in the middle of last week. Six days is not enough time to have our family be together all month! So I packed up our kid and an overnight bag, and a playpen and tent and sleeping bag for Zoë and away we went. When I checked in at our hotel with all our stuff for a simple overnight trip the lady at the desk called me a baby sherpa.
I was nauseous during dinner and couldn't eat my meal, but from how it smelled and from the recommendations on the walls I am sure the restaurant was very nice. Here's a little virtual tour of the place, it's just a 360 degree view, it's a tiny little place: http://www.virtualfernie.com/viewer.php?tour=currybowl
Zoë did NOT sleep well in the hotel room. Nor did she eat particularly well. But those minor complaints aside, it was a total success and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I'll post a quick photo I took of Kiddo and myself once I get them up on Facebook.
Back at work today after a week of absence. It doesn't get easier walking on the concrete-hard floors. My back is in agony. My boss has told me he plans to give me more hours starting in September, doing day shifts instead of my usual closes. This means that every penny I earn will go to paying childcare, but at least in a couple of months I will qualify for Maternity benefits when bean #2
I'm unbelievably exhausted still, but unable to sleep at night. My mind is going crazy, listing all the THINGS I want to do before I have another infant attached to me. (Well, I suppose it's ALREADY attached to me, but you know what I mean, right?) My husband is awesome about getting projects started, and to the point where they function and are livable, but the detailed finishing is something he does not excel at. There is a new pantry, but it has a) no shelves b)no trim c) no doors. Just an unused brand-new pantry, mocking me. Until that pantry is finished, the things in the cupboards must stay where they are. And I can't get the dishwasher I bought THREE MONTHS AGO out of the driveway (so ghetto trailer trash, I know!) until the cupboards have been emptied. Discouraging.
But on an up note, I'm still not feeling any morning sickness. By this point in my last pregnancy I was GREEN (literally, green. To the point where strangers were telling me I should go lie down because my face. was. GREEN) and stayed that way until I was well past 12 weeks. So far I'm past the 7 week point, so I'm thinking this baby might be easier on me, vomit-wise. My body aches, though. My upper back has never given me grief before, and now it hurts, hurts, hurts.
I even traded husband even-steven minutes one minute of back rub = one minute of oral sex. (I use blowjobs as currency with alarming frequency!)
I therefore got the longest backrub EVER out of him, a whole 15 minutes. And then he complained that his hands hurt.
The new baby is due in April, and I think I already have a favorite boys name. It's the name Zoë would have had is she had been a boy: Valen. The other night I woke up from that pleasant half-asleep-but-dreaming feeling with a certainty that I knew our babies name: Valen Blue
Valen Blue Shypitka
What do you all think out there? My family thinks I'm crazy, and hubby isn't sold on Blue, but I'm SURE. So I'm just fishing for opinions.
My boss at Subway just told me today that he's cutting my (already meagre) hours IN HALF. So now I will be getting about 9 hours a week, at minimum wage. The wage isn't even the important part. It's the fact that I've only been working there for about 4 months, and that's not enough hours to get maternity benefits. I need a minimum of 600 hours paid into EI before I can claim, and it looks like I have about 300. So I would need to work another 4 months at my usual hours to get benefits. I was OK with that, and told my boss. The next day he cuts my hours. So now I either need to work WAY longer into my pregnancy (difficult, due to a highly crowded space a 6 month belly won't fit in, and back problems I'm dealing with) or get a second job.
Yes, that's right. I'm considering taking a second job. I NEED these benefits. Having no income for almost 2 years would be devastating. I would keep my pregnancy a secret from my employer and only work for a few months to get the hours paid into EI that I need. It's unethical but victimless. I've gotta do something. Christ, I was even looking at the housing market in Castlegar last week, daydreaming about getting a house with more than two bedrooms.
The Perseid meteor shower was beautiful. I spent an hour or so outside, and counted over 20 shooting stars. I pinned a worry to each one, and felt better for a while. Stupid hormones are exacerbating my troubles, and being alone is not when I'm at my best.
I miss Husband SO MUCH. He will be home tomorrow after a 2 week absence. Looks like he will be around for a week and then *poof* out of town again. It's a really vunerable feeling,being pregnant, parenting a toddler, working and finding a sitter and trying to keep up with the household, all by myself. I have a mother in law in Castlegar (half an hour away) and ONE FRIEND who helps with things when she's not working. My support network is tiny. tinytinytiny.
I can do this.
I can do this.
Well, it's happened. An entire year before we meant to, I am 99% sure I'm pregnant.
Period missing. Breasts tender. EXHAUSTED. ALL THE TIME. Vague icky feeling in the morning (which, if this one is like the last one, will likely evolve into full-out nausea all day for the next few months).
I know the exact date we conceived the little bugger, which is excellent parental fodder for horrifying/tormenting our child when s/he gets older. July 17th, a day that will likely be forgotten when I throw away the calender.
According to the internet, I am due on or around April 6th.
I'm still mostly in shock, and I know Husband hasn't quite gotten used to the idea yet. Like I said, we weren't going to have any more kids on our own, I really had my heart set on adopting. And for sure not for another year or so, to get ZoZo out of diapers (although she's *this close* to figuring it out... I hope) and a bit more mature about handling sharing mommy time.
I haven't told many people yet, but my mom and dad know. I haven't been for an official pregnancy test yet, but the pee-on-a-stick test was positive, and as I said, I'm 99% sure. I'm going to the Dr. tomorrow and will have more to report then. Also, I think we will try and travel to somewhere and find out the gender. It would be nice to know what we are in for, especially since I have a boy name from the last go-round that I still adore, but no idea what I would name another girl.
Yes, I know I'm getting wayyy too ahead of myself, thinking about names. But I like to be prepared, and it's helping me be excited about this surprise, instead of feeling put out and nervous. I mean seriously, we don't have a ton of space or cash as it is. I need to work for at least another four months before I qualify for EI, so I will at least get benefits once baby comes.
GAH another baby. I'm so not ready for another baby. The house has to smell like spit up again? MORE diapers? Terrible twos AGAIN, and we're just barely coping with THIS toddler?
At least they will be close in age, and now we are officially DONE. I have asked Husband several times to get that damn vasectomy, but now I'm turning up the pressure. When this kid comes, if I need a caesarian (God forbid!) I will get the tubes tied while they've already got the hood open, so to speak. But it's likely I won't need one, since I managed the first one relatively well. So... snip, snip, buddy.
Husband came home from a two week absence yesterday. He was dressed as a sexy cop and had a shiny new set of handcuffs.
*four sweaty excited hours pass*
We go to bed, wake up and have another go.
I'm almost certainly ovulating right now.
I'll keep you all posted, as I will be taking a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks.
We were going to wait at least another year to add to the family, but hey, if it's meant to be, I guess it will be!
It's summer. It's HOT, finally. I'm soaking it up for as long as I can. Canadian summer, even in one of the southernmost places in BC, is over far too soon for my liking. So I'm trying to pack as much in as I can. I was up until 3AM last night trying to catch up on all my LJ interests. Didn't get through them all. If I missed anything interesting, let me know, OK?
As for me, things are good, but going too fast. Zoë will be TWO this month. She's clever and charming and a very fine example of toddlerhood. I am happy to show her off, if you want to see what she looks like.( UnderCollapse )
Tomorrow I'm going (DUN DUN DUN) nude sunbathing. I have an appointment to get a bikini wax in 45 minutes, so I look my best. I've been bare from the waist up at friends' private beaches before, but never 100% nude on a public beach. I'm a little nervous. My body isn't flawless, I know well. I'm too lazy to get into the spirit to work out and get enough cardio to take the 15-20 pounds I'm carrying around in a spare tire around my waist. I'm admittedly self-conscious about my waist. I know I look pretty good but this is totally new to me. What would you do, Lj friends?
I will be going with a MAN, too. Not my husband man. A friend of both of us, with a daughter only a few months younger than ours.
Here goes nothing, I guess....
My daughter spent the night on Wednesday with her grandma (my troublesome MIL). They brought her back at 4PM the next day, when I was expecting them around 2. She was miserably tired to I put her straight into her crib for a late nap, and she slept through the whole evening and didn't get up until 8AM!!!!!!! What the HELL do my in-laws DO with that child that she needs to sleep for 16 hours at a stretch to return to normal???
Also, we are renovating the house. Darling Husband built me a pantry and enlarged the coat closet, so I have fresh drywall there to paint. And I figure hey! Since I'm painting anyways, I should put a coat on the ugly white wall panelling as well. And when I'm buying the paint I see some Polyfill and decide HEY! while I'm at it, I should fill the lines on ANOTHER wall of ugly faux wood panel and paint THAT wall, too. It's not like I have a toddler to chase around or get into messes with, right?
On top of reovating the living/dining areas, the BEDROOM also got a new sheet of drywall, to replace a wall of wallpaper panel that was about the ugliest thing I'd ever seen. So I have to plan a new paint scheme in the bedroom, too.
Work has been going well. I make sandwishes come true, and clean up and close the store four days a week. It used to be five days a week, but I couldn't handle it AND keep my nanny job as well. My boss is a real gem, when I told him it was getting hard to work 13 hour days every Wed, he said; "So take Wednesday off." So I did. HOORAY!
I got a headset for playing Modern Warfare 2 on my PS3. Anyone else play? I'd love to have a few more friends to do deathmatches with.
I guess I should go clean my kitchen and make meatloaf, so there's supper well before I start work at 6PM.
Cheerio, darlings, have a fun weekend!