I'm still here, and I still read my friends page every single day (except when I don't).
I'm just sitting here in the dark, looking in through my monitor at all of your lives, amazed that there are so many fantastic people out there, that all these words I read are made by real people not so different from myself. They just use more words than I.
I haven't had a lot of words lately. I think my reserves are going elsewhere these days, as I gear up for the last 7 weeks of my 2nd pregnancy. I feel really undone, in so many ways right now. There is so much to do, so many little projects I'd like to see completed, so many lists to check off, and so little time left before Baby comes and then POW! chaos for a few months-a year, depending on Baby himself. I'm having trouble getting my priorities straight.
I need to get my kitchen (and the whole house, actually) clean. Not just wash the dishes and sweep the floors, but scrub behind the coffee maker and taps, and behind the fridge and stove. I need to take out the recycling. I need to sand drywall. I need to refinish floors. I need to get my damn studio put together. I need help.
I need rest. My back aches and I had to ask for help hauling my two weeks' worth of laundry down the stairs so I could wash it all. I have no motivation to do the basic house stuff. I want to do all the huge things around the house that I am physically incapable of doing in my condition. I can't sand fucking floors now, how ridiculous is that???
All the little organizing jobs I became obsessed with when I was pregnant the first time just don't interest me at all now. And I haven't printed a photo of ZoZo since she was 11 months old or something retarded. I have tons of pictures saved to hard drives and discs and memory sticks, but printing them all out and putting them in albums makes me want to cry.
I haven't taken a single picture of my belly this time at all.
I want to see this journal take a new direction, perhaps a more image based and less verbal centre. I want to participate, I want to be involved, I want to interact, but I have a voyeuristic rut to climb out of that is years deep.