(no subject)

It's really hot in our house. A realtor came by to see how much work we have left to do before we can list it for sale. I'm hoping that we can sell quickly and get a bigger house here in Salmo before the kids need to start sharing a room.

Anyone out there have to share a room with a sibling? As an only child I don't know what it's like. Would you say it's a good experience or would you have preferred to have had your own room?

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(no subject)

Two glasses of wine and two kids who have been sleeping now for over an hour. I need to go to bed but just finished downloading a new album to iTunes and am really enjoying it. Thought I'd write a little bit about my grandma.

My grandma has been a central figure in my life for as long as I can remember. I lived with her for the first couple of years of my life, along with my mom, until my mom got her own place when I was around two or three. I still spent every day with Grandma though, since my mom worked full time and I never went to pre school or anything like that. She had four kids of her own, and adopted two and fostered another three. I have 13 cousins and there are over 20 great-grandchildren to her credit. Her ability to be patient and kind and loving was limitless. Still is limitless, but not long for this world.

My Grandma has an inoperable and terminal case of stomach cancer. She is on a liquid diet and they are looking at putting a small tube down her esophagus to enlarge the opening to her stomach so she can eat something nutritious before the tumours get large enough to rupture her stomach and cause her to bleed to death from the inside.

I'm trying to get used to the idea that the next time I see her will likely be the last time I will ever see her alive.


Valen is doing really well! He's a month old today, and is currently sleeping froggie-style on my chest. Daughter is not jealous so far, but is acting naughtier than usual. Or maybe she just seems more irritating to me, because she's in my face while I'm trying to deal with her brother. We're going to the Silver City days in Trail this afternoon, and I'm eager to see how Big Girl behaves in a crown while I'm dealing with Valen. We are flying up to visit my family next week. (More on that this evening, it's a long sad story and I don't want to start my afternoon all sad.)

Wish me luck!


Announcing Valen Michael Blue

My son, babe #2 was born April 7th at 2:30 PM. It was a very considerate time to come, three days before my birthday and just in time for my dad to confirm the holidays he had booked off so he could be down here to meet him. Ten hours from water breaking to final push, less than half the time it took with Zoë. He's 8 days old and is already almost an entire pound bigger than his birth weight. (6 lbs 13 oz at birth, 7 lbs 11oz yesterday.) He farts a lot. I have mommy brain and am busy with my almost-three year old wanting to hug baby brother to pieces! That's all for now.



(no subject)

Just a quick update, for now.

I'm having some medical troubles related to my pregnancy, and I'm trying really hard not to stress out about them too much. First it was the cervical lesions, then the placental lakes, now we're concerned about Intra Uterine Growth Restriction. I'm waiting to make a Dr.'s appointment so I can get another ultrasound to measure babys growth rate. Until then all I can do is stress and try and keep calm.

I also have a swollen hip joint, making simple activities like walking and cooking and cleaning really painful. Let's not talk about sleep, I haven't had more than three consecutive hours in quite a few days. I'm considering it training for when the baby comes.

Other than my physical self, my life is so, so wonderful. My husband is really stepping up to help, loading and unloading the dishwasher, cooking the meals and putting the kiddo to bed in the evenings. I Skype with my mom regularly and she's planning to fly down here and help me out when the baby is due. I've created a cleaning docket and some checklists of chores to do to help me stay on top of the housework. I'm nesting, hardcore!

Now my quick update is over. I have to go ice a cake.

Motivation Splits


I'm still here, and I still read my friends page every single day (except when I don't).

I'm just sitting here in the dark, looking in through my monitor at all of your lives, amazed that there are so many fantastic people out there, that all these words I read are made by real people not so different from myself. They just use more words than I.

I haven't had a lot of words lately. I think my reserves are going elsewhere these days, as I gear up for the last 7 weeks of my 2nd pregnancy. I feel really undone, in so many ways right now. There is so much to do, so many little projects I'd like to see completed, so many lists to check off, and so little time left before Baby comes and then POW! chaos for a few months-a year, depending on Baby himself. I'm having trouble getting my priorities straight.

I need to get my kitchen (and the whole house, actually) clean. Not just wash the dishes and sweep the floors, but scrub behind the coffee maker and taps, and behind the fridge and stove. I need to take out the recycling. I need to sand drywall. I need to refinish floors. I need to get my damn studio put together. I need help.

I need rest. My back aches and I had to ask for help hauling my two weeks' worth of laundry down the stairs so I could wash it all. I have no motivation to do the basic house stuff. I want to do all the huge things around the house that I am physically incapable of doing in my condition. I can't sand fucking floors now, how ridiculous is that???

All the little organizing jobs I became obsessed with when I was pregnant the first time just don't interest me at all now. And I haven't printed a photo of ZoZo since she was 11 months old or something retarded. I have tons of pictures saved to hard drives and discs and memory sticks, but printing them all out and putting them in albums makes me want to cry.

I haven't taken a single picture of my belly this time at all.

I want to see this journal take a new direction, perhaps a more image based and less verbal centre. I want to participate, I want to be involved, I want to interact, but I have a voyeuristic rut to climb out of that is years deep.

Grouchy mama needs to vent a bit

I'm 6 months done this pregnancy and I can't really complain, it's been relatively easy so far. But I will anyways. Damn I am getting uncomfortable. My belly is sticking out super far and everyone finds it necessary to tell me how huge I am. GO FUCK YOURSELVES. Seriously. Is there a woman anywhere in the world who wants to hear how big their tummy is??? WHY do people do this? Bite me world. Also I think the baby has hiccups right now and the twitching is irritating. I guess I'm glad he's moving more, since I couldn't feel him move until around 20 weeks and it freaked me out. Now I'm 28 weeks along and I'm already tired of the constant reminder that there's a parasite in my abdomen. I love kids but wish I didn't have to be pregnant.

My two year old is also being a pain in the ass, refusing to nap and being noisy and making messes everywhere while I'm trying desperately to organize her room enough to fit a crib and baby things into it. It's a tiny bedroom (2 bedroom house is all we have) and it's going to take some major rearranging to make it work.

FUCK, just had to take the shoes my kid was chewing on away from her.

She's already watched one full length movie today, and I'm seriously considering another, as she needs to sit still and be quiet today or mommy will have a coronary.

Sorry again that I've been gone for months then just show up and whine. Next post will have adorable photos and happy thoughts. And will happen in the next week or so. See you then.
  • Current Mood
    bitchy bitchy


I just searched about 20 random journals and not a single one of them was in english. Not really sure how to feel about that.
  • Current Mood
    lethargic lethargic

All sorts of STUFF

So my beloved Kitty, Shiva, died last week.

He was nine years old, and had pretty severe asthma, which I believe shortened his life considerably. He died peacefully, in his sleep, at the foot of my bed. I woke up in the morning to the smell of death and a stiff cold kitty at my feet. So SAD! We buried him in the backyard in front of the raspberry canes. Thank DOG the ground wasn't too frozen to dig in yet! I don't know what we'd have done with his carcass if we couldn't have buried it. Now I really want kitten (I've wanted one for ages, to keep Shiva company, but we weren't sure we wanted to clean up after two kitties at once!) but I can't have one because I can't clean kitty litter. Toxoplasmosis is a bitch, fo' reals!

Also, I had my 20 week ultrasound done two weeks ago (I'm now 21 weeks pregnant, over halfway, hooray! The last 10 weeks are the hardest, and make me eternally grateful that this has been so, so easy so far.)

The ultrasound tech was a dream come true and helped me figure out that we are having a BOYBOYBOYBOY!!! I'm so excited. I know it's not 100% certain that it will be a boy, since ultrasound isn't foolproof, but still, AWESOME.

Here he is with his hand in his mouth.

I still think we're going to call him Valen. (Pronounced VAY-len) and he will be my little VALENtine. <3 If all goes well he will be born right around my 29(!!)th birthday, on April 10th.

I find I worry WAY more over this pregnancy than I did with Zoë. At my last prenatal visit the doctor informed me that I had "abnormal cells" developing around my cervix. So last week I had to go to another doctor for a "colposcopy", which is essentially the pap smear from Hell. The doctor told me then and there that I had "some sort of lesion" and that it would require attention, but not until after the baby was born. So now I have to live with the knowledge that I have weird cervical cellular growths on my inner ladybits for the next SIX months.

I am trying really hard not to stress over this.

Also, being a poor-ass stay-at-home mom means I have absolutely ZERO dollars to spend on Christmas gifts this year. I've been thinking I will do some home canning and make carrot and garlic pickles for my local friends and stuff. I'm burning a CD for my Dad, and I have NO IDEA what to do for my mom. Husband simply MUST have Call Of Duty: Black Ops, so HELLO, MasterCard!

Guess that's about it for now. It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down.